When I was in my twenties, and before I got my journalism career off the ground, I worked in the music industry; specifically at a handful of record labels and at MTV in London. I was lucky enough to meet many of my musical heroes, but also their adoring fans. One afternoon, I received a phone-call from a woman telling me she was the secret girlfriend of a well-known pop star, and that she was looking for backstage passes for an MTV awards show. She was a secret he was keeping from his fanbase, his manager and his team, and she wanted to surprise him backstage. I’ve thought about her ardour, not to mention her cunning, so often in the years since.
Look, everyone’s had a celebrity crush at one point. To me, you haven’t lived if you haven’t googled someone famous and chased your lustful curiosity all over the internet. I’ve googled with abandon, and enjoyed the ensuing imaginary relationship in my head, more times than I care to admit. When it comes to these crushes, most people know there’s a line between what is proper and what’s not. My character Esther doesn’t.
Esther’s a modern, smart, funny London-dwelling thirtysomething woman in the year 2010, which means that she is invested in how her life looks as it’s presented on social media. She is lukewarm about her job, marriage and social life, but it looks okay to everyone else on Facebook, so that’s good enough for her. Until the moment when it isn’t. Esther experiences a devastating loss, which prompts a desire for escape and distraction from her own reality. The friends in her life are moving ahead, making her feel left behind.
What is fascinating about social media in the early 2010s is that celebrity culture isn’t what it is now. Facebook was like the Wild West, where people were lax about their privacy and personal information, and – for a brief moment – celebrities seemed to be on the same level as everyone else. They didn’t have social media teams, or millions of followers, or much idea about privacy. You could certainly message them, and there was an outside chance they might reply. The fantasy of being in their life seemed attainable. Both of these factors result in Esther, with her massive crush on a Canadian actor, blowing her whole life up in pursuit of a fantasy.
I’ve always been fascinated with celebrity culture, superfans and the concept of stalking.
On the one hand, I could never understand why some of them couldn’t grasp a basic reality: that a much-adored idol would not be romantically interested in them. On the other, the ingenuity they often used in pursuit of their favourite celebrity was staggering.
I see a lot of myself in Esther when it comes to her thirtysomething struggles, her professional stasis, her efforts to be happy in a city as big and unwieldy as London. I like to think I wrote her story, and those of the others, with kindness and empathy. By posing a simple question – exactly how far can you chase a celebrity crush? – I had immense fun writing Esther and bringing her on a (mis)adventure halfway around the world. I hope you have as much fun reading about it.
Stalking is a much-discussed topic right now. It’s something that happens on a spectrum - from looking in on your ex's Instagram account or their new partner's account from time to time. On the other more extreme end, we have non-consensual, distressing and unwanted attention, which doesn’t stop and which is horrific for the victims. I’m interested in the less ‘extreme’ instances, where fandom is a prominent part of someone’s life; someone’s reason to get up in the morning.
The question I hope I’ve asked is: where does the 'regular' stalking end and the delusion that Esther is experiencing begin? And what is it about modern day society that helps make this happen?
